


Scream To Be Heard

by JagkDoesItBetter



Series: Scream to be Heard [1]
Category: All Time Low
Genre: Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Muteness, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-02
Updated: 2014-09-11
Packaged: 2018-01-14 06:55:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 18,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1257052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JagkDoesItBetter/pseuds/JagkDoesItBetter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An event occurred to Alex when he was 12 that made him stop talking. Nobody knows what it was. Him being mute got him teased in school, so his mom switched his schools his junior year. He meets Jack there. They instantly connect. What happens when Jack finds out Alex's big secret? Can he save him from himself?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Alex was 12 when he just stopped talking. It happened close to a year after his brother killed himself. Nobody knows why he retreated into himself. His parents took him to the best therapist in the area, but none of them could break through his tough walls he built in his head. He also was getting tormented at school due to the fact he refused to speak. It wasn't uncommon for him to go home covered in bruises or blood or, usually, both. This went on for years until his parents got tired of it and switched his schools. It turned out to be the best decision they could have ever made.


	2. Chapter One

I woke up from That Dream, the nightmare I have pretty much every night since It happened, from the shrill sound coming from my alarm clock. I groaned internally. Today would be the first day at my new school, and I was not looking forward to this at all. It would be just like the last. I'm not going to have any friends and get my ass kicked everyday because I'm that freak that doesn't talk. "Alex, honey, it's time to get up. I know you're nervous, but everything is gonna be fine," my mom lied straight through her teeth. I just look at her and she sighs. "Just get up and give it a chance, okay?" I rolled my eyes and nodded. She left my room and I got out of bed. I showered last night so I could sleep as long as possible before I had to get up, so all I had to do was do the basic morning rituals today. I picked out my clothes, a green day shirt, skinny jeans, my usual hoodie, and converse, and got dressed quickly. I then head into the bathroom and brush my teeth and, because I feel too lazy to straighten it, I simply brush my hair and through my grey beanie on. I then went into my room and grabbed my IPod and phone and shoved them into my pocket and my backpack. I looked around for my whiteboard that I wore around my neck, like a necklace, and it wasn't on my dresser where I normally put it. Fuck fuck fuck fuck! without that I have no way at all to communicate at school. I grab my phone and text my mom," hey mom have you seen my whiteboard," and she yelled, "Yes Alex. It's down here. I just wanted to make sure you didn't forget it again." I roll my eyes at that. I've never forgotten it a day in my life. I just wouldn't bring it some days because I didn't feel like talking to any of the assholes at my school. I head into the kitchen and my mom hands me my whiteboard and my tiny pack of tissues that I use to clean it off with. "So Alex do you want any breakfast," she asks me and I shake my head no. "Why are you okay you're not sick are you," she asks quickly in that concerned mom voice. I write on my board, "not hungry kinda nervous about today' She nods, "Alright sweetie. Make sure you eat lunch then." I nod and put my board around my neck after cleaning it. "You heading off," she asks me and I nod my head yes. She hugs me and I stiffen for a second, I don't really like any form of human contact ever since It happened, and my mom sighs. She let's go and says," Bye Alex. Don't be too worried I'm sure you're going to have an amazing day and make tons of new friends." Yeah right. Who wants to be friends with the emo freak who doesn't talk. I smile and nod just to make her happy, but I don't think she bought it. She knows me too well. I make my way out to my car and am greeted with Blink-182 when I start it. I smile. Music is the one thing that makes things better, well the thing that's healthy. The thing I'm aloud to use. Parents didn't, don't, like the other. They took it away from me. I can't think about that now though. I back out of the drive way and head to hell. I make it there in around 15 minutes, Blink blasting through my speakers the whole time. I pull into a spot and get out of my car and start making my way to the office to get my schedule. People stare at me the whole way. The girls especially. They point at me and giggle with there friends. I guess I really am weird looking, but hey, I've known that. It takes a while but I finally find the office. I walk in and go over to the receptionist. She smiles at me and says, "Hi you must be Alex Gaskarth," I nodded and she continued, "Well then here's your schedule and a map of the school. Oh, and all of your teachers have been informed of your, well, special case I guess." I blushed at that and went into the hallway and looked at my schedule and saw that I had Trig with Miss. Starr in room D5. I looked at the map and saw it was across the school. Of course. Heaven forbid something goes right in my life. Whatever. It wasn't too difficult to find the class, but because it was so far away I was a few minutes late. I nock on the door and a women around 24, the teacher I guess, opened the door. She was young and attractive for a teacher. She was kind of short with long black hair that went to her waist. She had the prettiest blue eyes I had ever seen. She also had large boobs that she tried, and failed, to conceal with her slightly loose shirt. She smiled a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "Hello you must be Alex. Come on in." She opened the door wider and moved out of the way. "Class this is Alex Gaskarth. He's a new student, and I expect you to treat him with respect. Oh, and don't get offended if he doesn't talk to you. He's mute. He communicates with the whiteboard around his neck. Alright Alex you can sit next to Rian. Rian can you raise your hand please." I see a guy with a buzz cut raise his hand and I go sit next to him. He turns to me and smiles, "Hi my names Rian Dawson." I smile and wave. Miss Star starts the lesson then so he doesn't say anything else for the rest of the lesson. When class is over, though, he turns towards me. "Hey can I see your schedule." I nod and hand it to him. "Well we don't have anymore classes together but we do have lunch together. You can sit with me and my friends if you like." I nod. "Okay cool see you soon," he says and then heads off to class leaving me standing in the hallway confused. Was he trying to be my friend. I haven't had one of those in years. I shook off my shock and headed towards my next class.


	3. Chapter Two

The day passed by quickly. Before I knew it it was the class before lunch, English. The teacher, Mr. Smith, doesn't introduce me or tell the class I don't talk. He just tells me to go sit next to an odd looking boy with black hair that has random chunks of blond through it and a big nose named Jack. I sit down and Mr. Smith announces that we have a free day and to talk amongst ourselves. Oh joy.

The boy, Jack, turns to me and smiles, "Hi my names Jack! Oh my god you like Green Day too!!! Finally another person in this school with a good taste in music!! Do you like Blink-182 too? I love them they're my favorite band of all time. I even got my ear pierced because of them," he said excitedly. When I don't answer he says, "Shit am I talking too much again? Rian is always getting on to me about that." I grab my whiteboard from around my neck and write, "no it's fine I just don't talk I'm mute and yes I love Blink!" He grins when he reads it. "Oh I'm sorry man I didn't know. I thought you that I was a weirdo who talks way too much. Flyzik tells me I do that too much, and that I scare people away." Wow this guy does really like to too talk. "Oh shit I'm doing it again," he says blushing. I nod yes and try to hide my smile. I write, "that's fine I think it's cute," and Jack smiles the biggest smile ever, that, for some reason, makes my heart beat extra fast. "That's good. I don't wanna scare you off. I can tell we're gonna be good friends."

We spend the rest of the class talking, well he talked I mostly listened writing down a response whenever I got the chance Jack liked to talk a lot, and I have to say Jack is a really cool guy. We have a lot in common. I think his statement about us becoming good friends is true. It scares the hell out of me, though. I'm not the kind of guy who let's people get close. It's dangerous. When the bell rings, signaling the end of class and the start of lunch, Jack asks, "Hey dude wanna eat with me and my friends?" I write down, "I told some guy Rian I think in my first I'd sit with him and his friends." That makes Jack break out into a huge grin. "Does this Rian have super white teeth and a shaved?" He cheers when I shake my head yes, "Yes!!!! He's one of my best friends. Come on hurry. Let's go eat." I let Jack drag me to  
the cafeteria partially because I have no clue where it is.

When we get to the cafeteria I wait while Jack goes through the lines. I bring my lunch because, well, it's not like I could tell the cafeteria ladies what I want. It's just easier this way. Jack exits the line with a tray filled with greasy food. He sees the look I give his tray and laughs, "What I'm a teenage boy aren't I?" I smile and write, "fuck really I thought you were a teenage girl." He laughs and shoves me gently, "Oh shove it dude." I stick my tongue out at him. Wow this is just so odd. I'm joking around with a friend. I guess my mom was right about this school.

My mind changes in less then 10 seconds when some jock trips me. "Look it's the freak who doesn't talk," he says and him and all of his jock friends laugh. "Shut the fuck up Nate. Just because your girlfriend was checking him out earlier doesn't give you a right to be an asshole," Jack said. I look up at him, shocked. He was standing up for me?! Oh shit I cannot believe this. Jack smiles at me and offers me his hand. The jock guy, Nate, says, "Like Katie would check out a fag like him." I blush and look down while Jack continues to talk back to Nate. Why did everyone know. Did I just give off a vibe that told everyone I was gay? I bet it's his fault. No Alex. Don't think about him. You know what that does to you and they took away your comfort and you can't listen to music in school.

I didn't know I was crying until Nate said, "Look the little fag is crying." Jack looks at me then and drags me to an empty table, giving Rian and all the other people a look as we walk by them. He surprises me yet again by hugging me. "Don't listen to that asshole Alex. He's just jealous that you're new and cute, so all the girls like you." I look at him confused. "girls like me? I'm cute?" I write. He laughs, "Of course you are darling. I mean come on look at you." I smile just a bit and blush. "There ya go. a smile. Are you better now." I nod. "Good," he says with a smile. The scary part is that I wasn't really lying. I felt a little bit better.


	4. Chapter Three

After I calmed down I figured that we’d go sit with Jack’s friends. I mean it wasn’t really fair for me, a person who’s known him for all of one class period, to take him away from his friends.  
I grab my white board and write, “now that I’m calm why don’t we go sit with your friends” “Nope I’m good here,” Jack says with a smile. “don’t you want to be with your friends though,” I ask. “But I am with a friend. I mean we are friends right. I mean I know we just met and all, but we just have so much in common and I thought we were getting along good. I’m talking too much again aren’t I?” I smile and nod. Jack blushes and giggles, “I keep doing that don’t I?” I write, “it’s fine like I said before I think it’s really cute and I see you as a friend too” The smile that filled his face made my heart beat all fast. That’s just because he’s my friend right?

The rest of lunch is uneventful. Jack and I just continue talking about random things. I’m sad for some reason when lunch ends. Jack notices and asks what’s wrong, and I have no idea what to tell him because I don’t know. I write, “I don’t know I just got all sad when the bell rang” He smiled and giggled, “Aww does someone have a crush on me,” he asks. For some reason ?I blush crimson when he says this. “Aww you do,” he says with a huge grin. I write, “no I don’t I think it’s just your my first friend in a long time and I really like spending time with you” This seems to make Jack really sad. “I really don’t see why you wouldn’t have any friends. I mean you’re like the coolest guy I’ve ever met.” The warning bell rings before I could deny it and Jack says, “Well fuck we’re gonna be late! Here give me your hand,” he grabs my hand and writes something on it, “there now you have my number. Text me okay?” He turns around after I nod and starts running to class while I just stand there speechless.

The rest of the day, well sucked. I got bitched at by my my fifth period teacher for being 10 minutes late, thanks Jack, pushed and shoved into lockers, got called names, and got teased for having Jack’s number on my hand. By the time I got to music class 7th period I was ready to leave. The teacher, Mr. Quinn, who urged me to call him Kellin, told me to sit anywhere, so I sat in the seat closest to the door so I could leave as fast as possible. I lay my head on my desk because I am just sick and tired of everyone. “You’re in my seat a familiar sounding voice said and I sit up about to write for them to go fuck themselves ,because I am so not in the mood for this shit, when I see it was just Jack.

He takes one look at my face then asks, “Hey man are you okay? I didn’t piss you off or anything cause it was just a joke.” I shook my head no. “Rough day?” I nod yes. “Well it’s about to get better,” he says, “this class rocks! I mean yeah there are assholes, but Kellin, the teacher, is cool and doesn’t take their shit just because they play sports. Plus he runs the school’s Gay Straight Alliance with his boyfriend Mr.Fuentes, the Spanish teacher.” He looks at me checking my reaction to this. I gulp. Please tell me he doesn’t know. “You don’t mind do you,” he asks me and I release a breathe I didn’t realize that I had been holding. I write, “no I don’t mind you love who you love” and that seems to make Jack happy. “Oh good. To tell the truth I was a bit worried that you’d, well, mind or something.” Wait was Jack gay? I ask him and he laughs,”No I’m bi. What about you?”  
The bell rings then, saving me from answering, and Kellin goes to the front of the class. “Alright everyone. As you probably know by this point, we have a new student, Alex Gaskarth. He’s a mute, and I expect everyone to treat him like a normal student. If I hear otherwise it’ll be your ass.” Wait did a teacher just say ass. I look around and notice no one even blinked an eye at that. Jack leans over and whispers, “We can cuss in here. He doesn’t care.” “Alex,” Kellin says, “I usually have new students stand up and tell us something about them, but because of you situation I was thinking you could write it down and I’d read it for you.” I nodded in agreement. Jack raises his hand. “Yes Jack.” “Can I read it for him. I know him pretty well.” “If it’s okay with Alex.” I nod my head yes. For some reason it comforts me that Jack would be reading it for me. I quickly write my list on a piece of paper and hand it to Jack. He stands up and says, “Hi my name is Alex. I’m 17. I play guitar and write music. On a side note, that’s fucking cool dude! I play too we need to jam sometime.” “Jack,” Kellin warned. “Sorry,” he laughed, “Alright let’s continue now. Music is my life. Some of my favorite bands are Green Day,Blink-182, Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, and New Found Glory. That’s all I guess.” Jack sat down and Kellin said, “Alright nice job Alex, and I guess you did an okay job too Jack,” Jack stuck his tongue at him, “Alright now let’s get on with the lesson. We’re going to continue on talking about song writing.”

Since I’ve been writing songs for years now I kinda zoned out until the bell rang. “Alright remember the assignment,” Kellin yelled out to use as kids ran out of the class. Assignment? Well fuck me. “Hey Alex could I talk to you for a sec,” Kellin asked. I looked at Jack and he nodded so I shook my head yes. Before Jack left he gave me a hug, which really surprised me. It’s been a long time since someone outside my family hugged me. It was kind of scary to tell the truth.

After Jack left I walked up to Kellin’s desk. “Hey Alex. I just wanted to let you know that I’m here for you if you ever need me. I understand how hard it is growing up different. I don’t know if Jack told you, but I’m gay. It was hard going through high school. I was bullied a lot. I even resorted to cutting,” he pulled up his sleeves showing me his scars, some of which were pretty bad, “so yeah just come to me if you need someone to vent to or just need somewhere quiet to be for a while. Oh, I also run the schools GSA if your interested. You don’t have to be gay. We like to offer people support. We have a meeting tomorrow after school if you’re interested. You can talk to Jack about it. He’s the president.” I wrote down that I’d think about it and then left.

My mom was waiting for me when I got home. She asked me about my day and I wrote that it was good and that I made a friend. I then stood there answering her questions about Jack for close to 15 minutes, no joke. She ended the conversation saying that she’d have to meet this boy.

When I finally made it upstairs I collapsed into bed. God that was a long day. I layed back and tried to think if I had homework. I then remembered the music assignment that I didn’t catch. How could I do that. I remember Jack’s number on my hand and got an idea. I get my phone out and text Jack.

To:Jack  
Hey it’s alex I didn’t catch the music assignment could you please tell me what it is

From:Jack  
Ha I knew you weren’t paying attention you're suppose to write a song with a partner and perform it in around two weeks wanna work together

To:Jack  
sure we could get together this weekend my mom wanted to meet you anyways

We make plans to get together that weekend. I texted my mom and told her, and I swear she is more excited than I am. Jack and I text for the rest of the night. There was one thing on mind the whole time though. Why does Jack want to be friends with me. I’ll ask him tomorrow I think before I pass out.


	5. Chapter Four

I wake up earlier than the day before because I decided to shower this morning because it’s a hell of a lot easier to look at my disgusting body when I’m half asleep. I take the quickest shower possible, not more than 15 minutes if that, and hurry up and get dressed. I dressed to wear my Blink-182 shirt, totally for myself not Jack, American flag skinny jeans, black converse, my usual hoodie, and my grey beanie. I grab everything else that I’d need and make my way downstairs.

“Sit down Alex. You’re eating breakfast today,” mom said in that voice that “don’t you dare try questioning me.” I sit down even though I didn’t want to eat because I know there is no getting out of it especially considering I somehow did yesterday. She’s been paranoid about my eating ever since the hospital visit. The doctors for whatever reason had decided that I was anorexic even though I’m not. I mean I’m not some teenage girl who thought I was fat even though I’m the size of a stick. I simply just don’t like to eat, but try explaining that to the idiot doctors.

I force myself to shove down some of the food my mom had made for me before hopping up and writing, “gotta go now. don’t want to be late to school,” and running out the door without grabbing my lunch. My mom would be pissed, but I just couldn’t do it.

I get to school barely on time thanks to my mom making me eat. I make to my seat in first seconds before the bell rang. Rian smiled, waved at me, and whispered that I should just ignore all those assholes. I smiled at him gratefully.

The class passes quickly thank god. I hate math with a passion. The rest of my classes up to 4th went by kinda fast. I was pushed and shoved and insulted again, but I just ignored it. I may have been think about Jack to help me through it.

I get to 4th before Jack due to the fact that I rushed there to get out of the hallway. The bell rang a few minutes later, and he still wasn’t there. Where is he? I hope he’s okay. I spend most of English worried about him. I mean he’s like my only friend.

A few minutes before the bell rang for lunch Jack finally walked in. Staggered is more like it actually. He was covered in bruises and had blood on his clothes. Oh my god what happened to my Jack?! Wait a second. Did I really just call Jack mine. What the fuck is wrong with me.

Mr Smith stops talking about whatever he’d been talking about for the class and looks at Jack. He completely ignores the blood and bruises and start lecturing him on the importance on arriving to class on time.

This continues until the bell rings for lunch. I jump up and practically run to Jack. I write “are you okay,” and he says, “Yeah. Let’s just say Nate didn’t appreciate me talking back to him yesterday.” Fuck it’s all my fault that he’s hurt. He’d be fine if he didn’t defend me. I guess Jack could tell that I was blaming myself because he said, “Alex it isn’t your fault. Now come on let’s get to lunch.” I don’t believe him, but I let him drag me to lunch.

Like yesterday I wait for him to get his lunch. Today though, we go a different route to the table around the jock table. When we get the table Jack sits down and I sit next to him. As soon as we sit down everyone at the table starts asking Jack if he was okay. He just nods. “Who’s that,” a guy with some serious muscles asks Jack pointing at me. “Oh yeah. Everyone this is Alex. He doesn’t talk. Alex that’s Zack, Rian, Cassadee Rian’s girlfriend, Oli, Josh, and Beau,” Jack said pointing everyone out to me. I smile and waved.

They were all super nice to me. They included me in the conversation and asked me questions about myself. It was going good until Oli asked me why I wasn’t eating. I got all nervous for some reason and wrote, “I forgot my lunch at home.” “Oh you poor baby. Here I’ll share mine,” Cassadee says. I shake my head no and write,”that’s fine I’m not really hungry.” “You sure? I’ve got plenty.” I nod yes. I look at Jack and notice he’s giving me a look. He leans over and whispers in my ear, “We will be talking about this later,” and then goes on talking to everyone at the table. I wonder what that was about.

When the lunch bell rings Rian asks Jack,” Hey dude wanna come over tonight to hang?” “Nope GSA meeting today.” “Gotcha. See you later.” Oh yeah that was today. Jack looked down at me. “You wanna go,” he asked me. I shook my head yes without even thinking about it because it meant more time with Jack. He smiled and hugged me. “Great! See you in 7th!” Then we both went to our next class.


	6. Chapter Five

I somehow made it to7th period. After what happened to Jack I guess I became the next victim. The names didn’t get worse, but the physical shit did. I had tons of bruises, none on my face thank god, on my body, so I was pretty sore when I slunk into my chair 7th. Kellin smiled at me and said hi. I kinda smile back and do that guy nodding thing.

It takes a few minutes for Jack to get there, barely on time. “Jack are you okay? Need me to report the dicks who did that to you,” Kellin asks him. “Nah it’s cool man,” he responds looking down.“ Kellin gave him a look then went on teaching.

Jack was oddly quiet during the class. I wasn’t the only one who noticed either. Kellin kept giving him worried looks. When the bell rang Kellin practically ran to his desk. “Alright Jako tell me what’s wrong,” he said. “It’s nothing to do with me,” he said glancing at me. “Sure Jack. Remember I’m here if you need to talk. You to Alex,” he said to us. We nodded.

Suddenly Kellin, no joke, squealed and ran to the door. I look over and see him jumping into a short mexican’s arms. “That’s Mr. Fuentes,” Jack told me. Once Kellin was one his feet they walked over to us. “Mr. Fuentes I missed you sooooooo much! It’s been forever since I’ve seen you,” Jack said. “If forever is two class periods ago then yes its been forever,” he said laughing. “Who’s this,” he asked pointing towards me. “That’s Alex my new bestest best friend,” Jack said, “He’s mute btw.” “Oh that’s the kid you were telling me about. Well hi. I’m Mr. Fuentes. I teach Spanish.” I smiled and waved. “You staying for the meeting,” Mr. Fuentes asks me. “He is,” Jack said happily. “Good. Welcome to the GSA,” he said with a smile.

An hour later I was heading out of the school with a laughing Jack Barakat. The meeting was pretty cool. It was pretty much an hour of chilling listening to good music. I loved it. “Hey Lex can you give me a ride home? My mom just texted and said she couldn’t make it,” he asked me. I nodded yes. Lex? “Yay thanks Lexy,” he said with a giggle and he kissed my cheek. Huh, why did he do that? We get to my car, and I unlocked the doors. We get in and “All The Small Things” blares out of my speakers. “I think I love you,” Jack said. Jack tells me where he lives and then we sit in silence and listen to the awesomeness that is Blink-182 until Jack turns to me and says, “Alex we need to talk. Well I noticed you didn’t eat yesterday at lunch or today, and, well, you are super skinny. Are you anorexic?” I shake my head no viciously. I then pull into his driveway and turn off my car and write “Jack I’m not some stick of a girl who thinks she’s fat.” “Anorexia isn’t just for teen girls Alex,” is all he says before he gets out of my car and slams the door. What have I done?


	7. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning mentions of self harm

As soon as I see Jack go into his house I turn my car on drive away, tears threatening to spill. God why do I have to be so stupid? I just lost my first friend in who knows how long, and I won’t ever get another one. I need to do it. I know I have stopped, that my mom doesn’t like it, but I really don’t care at the moment. I want, no, I need this.

I find the closest gas station, go inside, and I buy It. It’s been a long time since I used one, and I’m not going to lie and say that I’m not excited. I go into the disgusting gas station bathroom and lock the door. I pull my pants down and sit on the floor. I take a deep breathe before lighting the lighter, staring at the flames for a moment, before taking the metal piece from one of my pens and putting it into the flame. I leave in their for a few seconds before I press it into my thigh. I hiss and moan at the same time. Oh have I missed this. I do it a few more times until I can breathe easily. Then I get up, pull my pants up, put the lighter in my pants pocket, and walk back out to my car with a smile on my face.

When I get out to my car I store my new lighter in the glove box. I can’t have mom finding it freak out and end up putting me back in the hospital again. I can’t go back there. I won’t. The drive home was surprisingly peaceful. I get home before my mom thank god. For some reason I’m exhausted beyond belief, so I write my mom a note telling her that then changed and passed the fuck out.

My alarm wakes up the next morning, and, for once, I’m tired as fuck. I get up easily and go take a shower, singing a song in my head. I wince when I look at my leg. I’m not gonna be able to wear super tight skinnies for a while. Oh well. It was worth it. I quickly finish up my shower and head towards my room. What to wear, what to wear. I decide on a purple v-neck, my loosest skinny jeans, black cardigan, and my grey beanie as always. I go to the bathroom after getting dressed and quickly do all the bathroom stuff including blow drying and straightening my hair.

I head down stairs when I’m finished only to find out that my mom had already left thank god. I’m not ready to see her after yesterday. She’d take one look at my face and know what I had done, and I can’t have that happen. Not again.

I skip breakfast since she wasn’t here to make me eat it, and go out to my car. The drive to school wasn’t too bad. The bad thing happened when I get there. That’s when I remembered that Jack was mad at me. I nearly had a panic attack in the car, but, my some miracle, I was able to calm myself down.

I make it to first period and almost immediately am told to go to guidance. Apparently there was a mixup with my schedule. I need one more year of gym to graduate which means I’m switched out of my 6th period study hall for torture aka gym. This is gonna suck big time.


	8. Chapter Seven

Guidance takes up all of first, so I head towards second when I’m done there. That class was boring as usual. I nearly fell asleep I swear. The class after wasn’t any better. If anything it was actually worse because I was on the edge of my seat for the next class. The class I had with Jack, who I hadn’t talked, well written to, since the day before. To say I was nervous would be an understatement.

When the bell rings, a lot faster than usual it seemed, I slowly made my way to Mr. Smith’s class. I slide into my desk barely made it on time. I don’t even dare look in Jack’s direction. I just can’t knowing that he’s mad at me.

It was a very awkward class period to say the least. I swear that I felt Jack’s eyes on me, but I know that can’t be true. I mean he’s mad at me, so why would he even look at me? He probably realized the truth, that I’m a worthless piece of shit. Everyone always does in the end. I just kind of hoped things would be different here where people don’t know about it, but I guess I was wrong.

When the lunch bell rings I bolt from my seat and practically run out the room ignoring what sounds like Jack calling my name. I make my way to the library and find a hidden nook. I grab a book at random, City of Bones, and go into the little hidey hole. I read the entire period, becoming enthralled with the book. I mean it was just so fucking amazing! I check the book out when the bell rings, eager to take it home and most likely finish it later that night.

The joy of finding that amazing book made me completely forget about the hell that was gym the next class period. I only remembered halfway to my old class. I’m just happy that by some miracle the gym was located near the my old class.

I make it there barely on time, getting in the door just as the bell rang. I make my way to the gym teacher, a creepy old dude named Coach Williams. He told me the clothes I would need and told me to sit today out and that I had better have my gym clothes the next day or he’d mark off my points. Wow such a nice guy, not.

I go sit on the bleachers enthused that I’d get another chance to read when kids started coming out of the locker room including a few people I really didn’t want to see: Nate and a few of his jock friends and Jack. Of fucking course! That’s just how my fucking life works!

I spend the class reading, trying to be invisible while they play basketball, until Coach Williams releases everyone back to the locker room a few minutes early to change. I get up and stand by the door waiting to rush out as soon as the bell rings. I am seriously ready for the day to be finished.

I'm out the door as soon as the bell rings. I rush down the hallway to my next class, just wanting the day to be over, when a set of strong arms grabs me and pulls me into a bathroom. I see it’s Nate and his friends from gym. Oh shit. They start beating me up worse than I’ve ever experienced, and I’m an expert at having my ass kicked at this point in my life.

When their finished I’m curled up in a ball on the ground sobbing. “Leave Katie alone fag,” Nate says as he spits on me. They then leave me alone bleeding on the filthy bathroom floor. I deserve this is the last thing in my head before I pass the fuck out.


	9. Chapter Eight

I woke to the sound of the bell. Guess no one noticed I wasn’t in 6th, or I’m just not important enough to actually look for. Either are likely. I try to get up, but I’m greeted with pain. Great it looks like I’m going to be stuck here until the janitors come in here to clean which, by the looks of the bathroom, would be forever if at all. I’m propally going to die in here.

I layed on the floor for another 10 minutes before I remember my phone. I ignore the pain and grab it out of my pocket. Now who to text? Jack’s the first person that comes to mind. He’s mad at me, though. I could text my mom, but she’s too far away and I don’t want her to see me like this. It looks like Jack’s the only option.

To: Jack  
Nate beat me up and I’m hurt too bad to stand can you help me

I barely have to wait a minute before he answers.

From: Jack  
Of course where are you

To: Jack  
The boys bathroom closest to the gym

From: Jack  
Hold on I’ll be there in a sec

I waited literally around two minutes before he got to the bathroom out of breathe. Wow he must have run and for what to help little old me out. Wow. “Oh my god Alex are you okay? Oh what am I saying of course you’re not okay,” he said in a worried voice.

I looked up into his eyes and saw he was crying. Why was he crying for me? "Okay now Alex I'm going to pick you up and carry you to Kellin's room so I can grab my bag and get him to write us a dismissal note okay," he said softly. I nod yes.

He grabs my bag and puts it on his back before leaning forward and picking me u and cradling me to his chest. "Off we go," he said.

It takes us longer to get to Kellin's class than it did for Jack to get to the bathroom, but that's probably because he had some extra weight hanging on him.

When we get into the class everyone gets quiet. "Oh shit Alex. You two need a not home," he asked Jack. "Yup and could you hand me my stuff?" "Sure here you go." He handed Jack his stuff then turned towards me, "Come and see me when you get back so we can talk about this okay?" In of yes even though I have no plans of doing so.

Jack somehow manages to carry me and all of our stuff out to the car, and get me into it. How I have no idea.

The car ride was filled with Jack mumbling something about killing whoever did this. I just kept looking at him, wondering why he cared. I mean after It I completely deserve this and so much more. I don't deserve happiness after what happened.

After about 15 minutes we arrive at a house I'd never seen before. I give Jack a questioning look at he said, "My house." Oh that makes sense. He turns the car off, gets out, walks over to my side of the car, and picks me up. He carries me to the front door and knocks on it with his foot. "I'm coming", I hear an odd sounding voice say from the other side. The door was opened by a blonde women who I asseme is Jack’s mom.

“Oh my god Jack what happened to this poor baby?! Bring him in now! I’ll call your father and have him come home to see if he’s okay,” she said, well more like yelled in a weird accent. “Mom dad’s a OB/GYN. He delivers babies,” Jack said like the smart ass he is. “Ouch,” Jack yells as his mom hits him. “Oh be quiet. I’m worried about your friend here. What’s your name sweetheart,” she asks me. I look up at Jack hoping he’d know to tell her my new. “Mom this is Alex. He’s my new mute friend remember.” “Oh yes I remember. Now take him up to your room. He needs to rest. I’ll call you both down when your dad get’s home so he can check Alex out.”

Instead of arguing with his mom again Jack just carried me to what I assume is his room. He opened the door and I fell in love right away. He had an acoustic and electric guitar in the corner and posters for the coolest bands on the walls. “You like my room,” Jack giggles. I nod with a smile on my face until the pain set in then I grimaced. “Come on. My mom was right you need to rest.” He set me on the bed. I shook my head no. I didn’t want to sleep. I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to dream about It in front of Jack. “What if we cuddled,” he asked. I thought about it. When I was younger I would run to my mom when I had the dream and that always seemed to help. I nod yes.

The younger boy smiled and took off both of our shoes. “You comfortable in your pants or do you want to borrow some sweats?” I nod yes blushing. “Aww are you blushing? You’re just the cutest thing ever!” I stick my tongue out at him. An action that goes unnoticed, however, because Jack was busy getting out some sweatpants for us to wear. He turned back around and realized that he would have to undress me. “Um are you okay with me undressing you,” he kind of stuttered. I nod yes even though the thought embarrassed me. He puts on his own sweats before coming over and undoing my pants. It wasn’t until he had pulled down my pants had I remembered the burns from the day before.

“Alex what is this,” he asked pointing out the burns. I blushed and hanged my head down in shame. “It’s alright baby. We can talk about it later,” he said before helping me into my sweatpants. Baby?

When we finally get that out of the way Jack pulls back the blanket and helps me under it then gets under it himself. He pulls me into his arms then whispers, “Night Lex.”


	10. Chapter Nine

Jack POV

 

It doesn’t take Alex long to fall asleep in my arms. God he is so cute. I kiss the top of his head and pull him close to me. He is just so fragile. I want to, no, I need to protect him from everyone even from himself.

The next thing I know I’m being woken up by mom. She’s gently shaking me and Alex. Huh I must have fallen asleep. “Sweetie your dad is home. Can you wake Alex up,” she whispers. “Of course,” I say. She smiles at me before leaving the room to, I assume, get my dad.

“Alex, baby, come on wake up,” I said while shaking him a bit. He yawned and opened his eyes. He blushed when he saw how close he was to me. “Did you sleep good,” I asked him. He nodded yes. “Good,” I said and kissed the top of his head which made him blush even more.

“Aww you to are so cute,” my mom said. Alex hid his head to hide his blush. “Mom you’re embarrassing him,” I moaned. “Stop teasing them honey,” my dad said coming up behind my mom, “Hello Alex. I’m Jack’s dad. You can call me Bassam.” Alex waved. “Now Alex have you told your mom about what happened yet,” my dad asked him. Alex shook his head no. He scooted away from me a bit to get his phone out, and I’ll admit that it made me a little sad. I liked having him close to me. He quickly types out a message and then shows it to us.

i don’t want to worry her again

I read it and it took me a few seconds to fully understand what he meant by that. This wasn’t the first time something like this has happened to him. I grab his hand and give him a look that I hoped said I was there for him. He smiled gratefully.

“I understand that, but I want her here while I treat you so she knows what’s going on. I can call her for you if you like,” my dad says. Alex nods his head before finding her number in his phone and handing it to him.

After my dad called and talked to his mom it took less than 10 minutes for her to get here I swear. When she came to my room she ran over to Alex and started asking him if “her baby” was okay. I could tell it was embarrassing him by the blush that was on his face.

When she was done babying over him dad started looking over at him. “Well it’s nothing too serious. He just needs to rest for the rest of the week, maybe a few days next week too. Is there anyone who could watch over him at your house,” he asked her. “I could take the next few days off of work, she said. Alex shook his head no and typed:

mom you just started this job you can’t take a lot of days off because of me

They argued about this for a few minutes before my mom jumped in. “Alex could stay with us, and Jack could stay home from school and take care of him. His ahead in all his classes.” That’s true, but hey, what else is there to do in the loony bin.

Our parents talk about this and decide it’s the best option. Alex’s mom leaves with the promise to bring clothes and his toothbrush the next day. My parents go off to do other things and then it’s just Alex and I again.

“So I guess I’m gonna be sleeping on the floor the next few days huh,” I said with a giggle. Alex types something and blushes a tad when he shows me.

no you can sleep with me I would hate to take your bed

I smile,” Okay.” My mom comes up then and asks if we’re hungry. I shake my head and give Alex a look until he does the same. When my mom leaves to go make dinner I look towards Alex and say, “I guess it’s time we had that talk.”


	11. Chapter Ten

Alex POV

 

I gulp and look down at my hands nervous. I really don’t want to have this conversation with Jack. I mean who wants to tell some guy they just met that they are fucking crazy and even had to be locked up in the loony bin?!?! No one that’s who. 

 

“Um Alex where’s your whiteboard,” Jack asked me suddenly. Oh shit where is that. I think back and remember that Nate had broken it while he was beating the living shit out of me. I get my phone out and type that and show him. “Oh shit! Hold on let me get you some paper.” He get’s out of bed to get a notebook and pen and I’m filled with a sense of sadness. Fuck why do I like this around him?! I mean he even stopped the dream, and no one had been able to do that. Not even the meds that they’d kept me on when I was in the hospital. 

 

When Jack finds the notebook and pen he turns around grinning ear to ear like he’d just did this amazing accomplishment. He is just so cute. No Alex! Bad! No thinking of Jack like that. You can’t like him like that. You just can’t. 

 

He climbs back in bed with me and hands me the notebook. “There ya go.” I force a smile at him. “Lex are you okay,” he asks. Lex? I nod. “Come on tell me the truth.” I sigh and open the notebook to a clean page and write “just a bit nervous can we wait to have this talk until after we eat.” He thinks about this for a second before saying, “Sure but you have to eat something.” I think about that for a second. I could always use the excuse that my face hurts too bad to not eat that much. That’s what I’ll do. I nod yes and he smiles.

 

Mrs. Barakat, of course, messes up my plans. She made soup because she thought it be easier for me to eat. Looks like I don’t have an excuse now. I try to force as much of it down as possible. It was hard. I had literally no appetite. Jack staring at me the whole time didn’t help matters. 

 

After I had eaten close to half of it I write, “I just can’t eat anymore” He sighs but takes our bowls to the kitchen. He’s upset with me. God why am I such a failure? I feel tears sting my eyes. “Hey babe what’s wrong,” Jack asked asked he got into bed and put his arm around me. I write, “I just hate that I keep upsetting you” and look up into his eyes. “Oh babe that’s not true,” he said and pulled me into his arms, “I’m just worried for you.” I pulled away so I could ask him why. He sighs, “That would be better explained by a picture.”

He grabs his phone and pulls up a picture. When he shows me the screen I nearly gasp at the eerily familiar looking picture. It was Jack in a hospital bed with IVs in his arms, but the worst part was that he was so skinny he looked practically like a skeleton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like this chapter for some reason. Well anyways next chapter will be in Jack's POV and there will be a bit more background into Alex and his problems. Well I hope you all like this chapter!


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *trigger warning mentions of abuse and anorexia

Jack POV

I looked at Alex and gauged his reaction to the picture of what I had been. “You see why I’m worried about you now,” I ask. He nods. I think for a second before saying, “I’m going to tell you my story. Just promise you won’t talk, well write anything, and interrupt me okay?” He nodded yes. I take a deep breath and then start.

 

When I started high school I was excited and nervous mostly for the girl’s to be honest. I hadn’t came to turn with my sexuality at that point. Well anyways the first day of school I met her. She was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen with her long, silky, black hair, crystal blue eyes, full red lips,large, plump, red lips, and the body of a goddess. For me it was love at first sight. Her name was Kayleena, or as she’s known around school, Miss Starr. 

 

Alex gasps when he hears this and it shocks me. It’s the first thing that I’ve ever heard come from his mouth. “Are you okay Lexy,” I ask. He nods and writes, “yeah just kinda shocked that’s all I have her for 1st.” “Oh okay. Now if you don’t mind being quiet. I mean I can’t tell my story if you’re over there talking up a storm,” I say giggling. Alex glares at me and flips me off. “Ouch that hurt,” he rolls his eyes,” now where was I? Oh yes I was talking about Kayleena.”

 

She was my 5th period Algebra teacher, and I thought she was the best thing ever. I would run all these errands for her, help her grade, hell I was even bringing her coffee. I was whipped from the start. 

 

A few months into the school year I noticed that she was, well, flirting with me. She started coming to school in clothes that were more and more provocative and would throw innuendos at me. I could hardly believe it. Here was this amazingly beautiful women hitting on me, an alright looking freshman. 

 

Not too long after that she invited me to her house for a “tutoring session.” I lost my virginity that night. After that we started a secret relationship. At first it was great, she was so nice and sweet plus the sex was on fire. Then about a month into our relationship things started going downhill. She started saying all insulting me. Nothing too big at first just little comments about how stupid I am or that I was getting fat. It all got progressively worse until she was telling me how worthless I am and how I don’t deserve anything, and how lucky I was that she was staying with someone as pathetic as me. 

 

The most fucked thing about all of this was I started to believe her. I thought I was a worthless, stupid, ugly, fat, pig. I stopped hanging out with my friends because they were so much better than me, I was quiet because I didn’t have anything worthwhile to say, I was failing close to everything, and, most of all I stopped eating because I felt like I didn’t deserve food. 

 

This all went on until the end of last school year when my parents and friends had decided that enough was enough and held an intervention. I denied that anything was wrong and ran to her house. All she did was yell at me telling me that I was so fucking stupid, that I was going to get her caught, and that I should just go die. 

 

I ran home dejected. The love of my life wanted me dead, so I’d do it. My parents weren’t home, they were still looking for me, which, at the time, I thought was a good thing. I went into their bathroom and took all the pills that I could. I

 

’m lucky though because Rian came over to check and see if I had gone home and found me. He made me throw up a lot of the pills and called 911. He saved my life, and I’ll always be gratefully for him doing that.

 

After that I stayed in the hospital for around three months recovering. It was hard, but I did it. Therapy was difficult. Especially since I was trying to hide Kayleena. I told them I was with someone I had met online. I told them that it was that made up person who did all those things to me, and they bought it. They helped me realize I was so much better than the person that she had me believe that I was. They also helped me sort through my feelings that I’d get for guys and realize that I’m bisexual. 

 

When I got out of the hospital Kayleena tried to act like nothing happened, but I just couldn’t go through all that shit again so I told her to leave me alone. She has so far thank god. I don’t know what I would do if she didn’t.

“So there’s my story,” I finished. I look at Alex and saw that he was crying and writing something. It said, “you are perfect and deserve so much better than that bitch” It made me cry. He pulled me to him and we both cried on each others shoulders for a few minutes. When we both calmed down I pulled away from him a bit. He was looking me in the eyes. Then he leaned forward and kissed me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's Jack's story. Oh and look they kissed! Well anyways I hope you all like this chapter! Please comment and tell me what you think.


	13. Chapter Twelve

Alex POV

I pull back from Jack, terrified. What did I just do? Shit shit shit shit shit shit! I am so fucking stupid I fucking swear. The thoughts overwhelm me and I start breathing faster and faster. Oh great. A fucking panic attack. Just what I needed.

“Alex, Alex it’s okay. Just breathe,” I hear Jack say, his voice breaking through, while he rubbed my back soothingly. I start breathing normally and calm down. I was fine after around 10 minutes.

“Are you okay Lexy,” he asked me concerned. I nod yes. “Do you want to talk about it at all,” he asked. I shook my head no. “Okay remember I’m always here if you need me.” He looks like he want to talk about it but I just can’t.

I yawn then, exhausted even though I had just slept for hours. “Wanna go to bed babe,” he asked. I nod yes. He helps me get comfortable before trying to get up, but I grab his arm. He turns and looks at me with confusion in his eyes. I grab at the notebook he had set on the nightstand when he was helping get ready to sleep and write, “stay with me till I fall asleep?” He smiles and says, “Of course baby,” and get’s under the blankets with me and pulls me to him. I hesitate a second before wrapping my arms around him. I can do this as long as it doesn’t go too far.

 

Jack POV

 

It doesn’t take Alex long to fall asleep in my arms. When he does I move away from him as gently as I can so I don’t wake him up. He frowns a bit and curls up in a ball. I sigh. He is adorable as hell. I hate how hurt the poor boy is. It kills me.

I decide to make my way downstairs so I won’t wake him up. When I get in the living room my parents stop talking immediately. “How’s Alex doing,” my mom asked. “He’s doing fine. He’s sleeping right now.” “Good. That poor baby needs it,” mom says. She always felt bad for people in need.

I stayed downstairs watching TV for around an hour until I got a frantic text from Alex asking where I was. I told him I was downstairs with my parents and that I’d be right up.

I ran up the stairs worried about him. I opened my door and noticed that he was crying. I was over to him in less than a second. I pulled him into my arms and rub his back. “Shh baby it’s okay. Calm down. I’m here.”

It takes him a while, but he calms down. When he does I let go of him. He has a look of disappointment on his face for a second before it disappears. “What happened,” I ask him. He looked around for the notebook which was beside me on the nightstand. I hand it to him and he wrote, “nightmare and I woke up and you were gone I was so scared” “I am so sorry,” I say, feeling guilty about leaving the poor boy. “it wasn’t your fault” he writes. “But I left you alone,” I say. “and you can’t be with me 24/7. plus you didn’t know that it would happen” “I guess your right.” “I always am,” he wrote with a smile on his face. I love it when he smiles.

“You okay know,” I ask. He nods yes. “Wanna watch netflix,” I ask him. He nods yes and writes “SUPERNATURAL!!!!!!!!” I laugh,” Sure thing babe.” We spent the next few hours watching the first season of Supernatural until we fell asleep in each others arms. It was the best night of my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sooooo sorry this is a week late. Last week I had horrible writers block! I'm going to post two chapters this week to make up for it though.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

Jack POV

The next few days with Alex were just amazing. We got to know each other so well. Well I kind of get to know him. It’s hard though. He has this strong walls built up. Stronger than I ever had. I did manage to get was that his dad had left them when he was young although he didn’t say why, he had a brother that he refused to talk about, and he had been bullied for years and he changed schools because his mom was sick of it. I wish he would open up more though. I don’t even know what he meant when he kissed on three days ago. You know what I’m gonna go for it. He can’t just keep everything bottled up inside. 

 

Just as I was thinking that Alex walked in my room from the bathroom. “Hey Sexy Lexy,” I say with a smile. He blushes and grabs the new whiteboard that I had bought him from around his neck, “I told you not to call me that asshole” “Oh hush you know you like it,” I said giggling. He blushes even more.

 

“You are just too cute,” I say not being able to help myself. He hides his face and writes, “am not.” I sigh. He just doesn’t get how amazing he really is. I get up from the bed and go wrap my arms around him. “Alex you are one of the most beautiful, amazing people I have ever met.” 

 

We stand like that for what feels like hours until he pulls away. He looks hesitant, like he wants to do something, before he kisses me on the check. He writes, “thank you so much” I smile. 

 

We go sit on my bed and Alex grabs the xbox controller to but on Supernatural, but I stop him. “Alex we need to talk.”

 

Alex POV

I look at Jack, worried. What could he want to talk about? “Alex why did you kiss me the other day?” I tense up as soon as the words leave his mouth. Well fuck! I should have known this would be brought up eventually.

 

“Alex it’s okay. Calm down babe,” Jack says in that soothing tone while rubbing circles into my back. I take a breath before writing, “ I have no idea.” “Do you like me Alex,” he asked. “I don’t know” I wrote refusing to look at him. “Alex look at me,” Jack demanded. I still refuse, so he takes my face in his hands and makes me look at him. He leans forward and places a gentle kiss on my lips. He pulls back giving me a questioning look. I lean forward and kiss him this time. 

 

We kiss for what seems like forever. After some time Jack pulls back and says, “I really like you Lex.” That snaps me back into reality. No no no! What was I thinking?! I can’t do this! 

 

“Alex. Lex. Are you okay? Come on breathe,” Jack says, pulling me to him. No! He can’t touch me! I push him away. He gives me a look of hurt. I write, “I’m so sorry Jack but I just can’t do this” “Why can’t you Alex? You seemed fine about it earlier when we were exchanging spit,” he practically yells at me. Tears start stinging my eyes. “Shit! Lex I didn’t mean it like that okay. I’m just getting frustrated with you a bit because you won’t tell me anything even after I told you things about me that nobody else knows.” 

“I can’t tell you those things you’d hate me,” I write. No I won’t Lex. Just please let me in,” he begs. “I can’t Jack just let it go” “Fine,” he said clearly upset, “I’m going for a walk. He gets up and storms out of the room while I collapse on the bed, curl up, and start bawling like a baby. I just fucked up the relationship with the only person besides my mom who will ever give a shit about me. It was for the best, though. He can’t know about It. No one can ever no about It.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm already working on the next chapter so expect an update tonight or tomorrow. Sorry bout the drama, but it kinda had to happen. I mean you can't just expect Alex to just tell Jack his secrets right away. Jack's gonna have to dig deep and fight to get to them. Oh and I'm working on a playlist of music to listen to when I write this so I'd love it if you'd comment a song or a few that you think go with the story. Well anyways thanks for reading!


	15. Chapter Fourteen

Jack POV

 

I regret walking out almost immediately, but I needed some time alone to clear my thoughts. He probably need that too. I walk down the streets of Baltimore for around two hours listening to music and trying to figure out how to fix the situation between me and Alex. I really don’t know what the fuck to do. I guess I should just go and try talking to him again a little more delicately this time. 

 

I run up the stairs when I get home to get to Alex faster. “Alex I’m sorry,” I say as I enter my room. I look at him on my bed and I’m shocked by the sight. He’s sitting on the edge crying with a blood soaked towel on his lap. 

 

“Oh shit are you okay Lex,” I asked mentally slapping myself as soon as the words leave my mouth. I mean look at him of course he isn’t alright. He shook his head no. “You need to go to the doctor and get stitches,” I say and he shakes his head no veminently. “Alex just look at how much you’ve bleed.” He types into his phone, “No hospitals,” looking absolutely terrified. “Alex you need to go to the hospital you might die.” My heart broke when he typed, “and I deserve that.” “Babe no you,” was all that I got out before he passed out.

Shit shit shit! What do I do? I know I’ll call 911. I called them and told them what was going on around five times because I was freaking out so bad. They said they’d send someone right over. I sat on my bed with Alex in my arms crying for the 15 minutes it took for them to get there. It seemed like an eternity. When they did finally get there they tried to take him out of my arms. I resisted at first ,not wanting to let go, until one of the guys said, “If you want him to get help you have to let him go kid. You have to let us get him help. You can ride in the back with him though.” I let them take him and blindly followed them into the ambulance. I held Alex’s hand the whole ride to the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead everyone! I am so sorry it took so long to post this crappy short update. Last week I was busy getting ready for prom which was last Friday, and then this week I've been dealing with drama with what use to be my best friend and the Alex to my Jack. It ended with her picking this asshole guy who will hurt her over me. That's why this chapter is sad. I feel like shit and my trust issues are worst which I didn't think was possible. But enough of me bitching. I promise to try and be more on time with my updates in the future. I'm also now taking one shot requests to try to distract myself from all this bs, so if you want one message me on here or send me an ask on my tumblr jagk-does-it-better.tumblr.com. Thanks for reading. Next week's update should start getting, well, happier.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

Alex POV  
I wake up to an all familiar scene, a hospital room. I started panicking right away. Shit I can’t be here again! Fuck fuck fuck! My breathing got faster and faster, my heartbeat racing and the heart monitor beeping to show that, and before I knew it I was having a full blown panic attack. “Breathe Alex breathe,” a familiar sounding voice said before I blacked out yet again.

When I came back to I was still in the fucking hospital, but this time I see my mom sitting beside my bed crying. Great I made my mom cry again. I took her hand to try to comfort her, and I only succeed in scaring the poor woman.

“I was so worried about you baby. When I got that call from the Barakat’s saying that you were in the hospital for cutting I thought not again.” Of course her mind would go to that. It wasn’t like that this time. It wasn’t.

Flashback  
I was laying in Jack’s bed crying. God I am such a fucking failure! Why is it impossible for me to do anything right?! Stupid stupid stupid!!!! I need to feel pain. I deserve it. I sit up fast and start looking around Jack’s room for a lighter, matches, anything that I could burn myself with really. The only thing that I could find was his straightener and I’m not using that, I just can’t bring myself to.

I need to hurt myself though, to punish myself. I soon find my eyes on Jack’s pencil sharpener that rested on his desk. I could always cut. I’ve never done that to self harm, but it would be better than nothing. That I know it’s probably very sharp. It’s what I used that one time that I can’t even think about. It’s too painful. You know what? Fuck it! I’m going to cut! Thinking ahead I go and grab a towel to stop the bleeding.

I reach over and grab the pencil sharpener. I didn’t have the patience to try to unscrew it so I just simply broke the damn thing. When I was done I had two little blades in my hand. I put one on the nightstand. I only need one. I pull down the sweatpants borrowed from Jack and began to cut.

I didn’t pay any attention to how deep I was cutting. I was basking in the sweet relief that came from the simple act. It was only when the blood was flowing on to the bed did I realize how bad that I had cut.

I’m not use to trying to make sure I don’t go too deep, so the result is around 20ish deep cuts that were gushing blood. Well fuck! I don’t want to die, but I can’t go to the hospital. I put the towel on the cuts hoping it would stanch the bleeding, but it wasn’t long before it was soaked. Shit I am screwed. I’m probably going to die. Tears started flowing down my face. I don't want to die. Then I start hearing a voice in my head telling that it wouldn’t matter. That no one really cares about me. That I should just die already. It’s right. I should just go ahead and die.

I was too busy in my own head to notice that Jack had entered the room until I hear him say, ““Alex I’m sorry.” “Oh shit are you okay Lex,” he asks me for some reason. I mean really do I look okay?! I mean I’m just sitting here bleeding to death. I shake my head no even though it’s obvious because he’s probably just in shock. “You need to go to the doctor and get stitches,” he said with panic in his voice. No no no no no! I can’t go back to the hospital! I refuse! I shook my head no vehemently. “Alex just look at how much you’ve bleed.” I type into my phone, “No hospitals,” absolutely terrified by this point. “Alex you need to go to the hospital you might die.” I type “and I deserve that.” I swear that I saw his heart break when he read that. “Babe no you,” was all that he got out before I blacked out.

Present time  
I look around the room so I could explain to her what had happened. So she could know it really wasn’t like last time. “Do you want to tell me something,” my mom asks after watching me look around like an idiot for a few minutes. I nodded gratefully. “Here use my phone. I pull up the notes section and type,” it wasn’t like last time.” “Tell me what happened because it seems an awful lot like last time.” I sighed and typed out a short edited version of what had happened leaving out the fight, saying Jack just went for a walk instead, and that I got lonely and I had wanted to burn but didn’t have anything to do so so I cut instead. My mom breathed a sigh of relief. “I was so worried you tried it again. Please don’t do that too me again okay?” I nod yes while stroking the long, ugly scar on my right arm that has a twin on the left.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

Jack POV

The trip to the hospital was a blur. All I can remember is a constant feel of dread for the boy that I had come to love in such a short amount of time. I thought and felt like I hadn’t made it in time, like he would die. The guy in the ambulance who had talked me into letting go of him in the house, whose name I had learned was Jarrod, told me he’d be okay, but I was having a hard time believing him. I mean he was so pale and lost so much blood. How could he be okay after that.

 

The next thing I know we’re arriving at the ER and their bringing Alex in on the gurney as fast as they possibly could. I was pushed into some sort of a waiting room while they dragged him into a pair of double doors. 

 

I sat in the way too white waiting room staring at the walls for hours in silence until it was broke by the sound of “Dammit” broke it. I got a lot of dirty looks as I tried to answer it as quickly as possible. It was my mom. “Jack where are you two?! I came home to find the two of you missing and your bed covered in blood. Are you both okay? What happened,” she asked frantically. Shit what do I tell her. Would Alex want me to tell her about the fight, especially given what it was about? I’ll just make something up. Yeah that’s what I’ll do. 

 

“Well he was asleep and I needed to get out of the house for a bit. You know how I get now when I stay in one place too long, and I’ve been in house for days now. Well I thought it be fine because he was asleep, and I thought that I’d be back before he woke up. I was gone for around 15 minutes and I guess he had freaked out because he was covered in blood from cutting when I had gotten back home.” “Oh my god is he okay and have you called his mom yet,” she asked me in her nervous mom voice. “Oh shit I haven’t called his mom yet and , I’m still waiting to hear from the doctor.” “Well I’ll call Isobel tell here what happened. You call me the second you hear something okay?” “Yes mom.” 

 

Not too long after I got off the phone a nurse I remembered from my own visit at this very hospital, Evelin, came up to me. “Hey Jack long time no see. Are you okay? You aren't’ relapsing are you,” she asked in a concerned voice. “I’m fine I’m here with a friend.” “Who is it?” “Alex Gaskarth. Have you heard anything about him by any chance.” “Yup. He’s been stabilized. Want me to sneak you back there to his room,” she asked. I looked at her in shock. you’d do that for me?” Of course you’re my favorite former patient and you’ve kept your promise.” I had promised her that I would go to therapy and try not to ever end up back in the hospital aka hell. “Show the way.”

 

When I got to his room I stood at the door for a minute, nervous, before going in. It really was an awful site. He was lying in the bed pale with tubes all in him. Plus the hospital gown doesn’t hide much. You could see how skinny he truly was. Tears started falling when I noticed the matching long scars that ran down both of his arms. There was no doubt where those came from. 

 

I went and sat by his bed crying until his mom arrived. When she did we just looked at each other a second before she bursted into tears. I got up and pulled her into my arms. We stood like that crying for a few minutes before she pulled away and said, “Thank you for saving my baby.”

 

Me and Isobel got to know each other quite a lot waiting around for a doctor or Alex to wake up or both. I told her what had happened and about my hospital stay and she told me that Alex’s brother also killed himself because of the way their dad had treated them and that’s why he wasn’t in the picture anymore, and that this wasn’t Alex’s first time being in the hospital, which I had kinda guessed based on what had happened. Close to two years ago he had tried to kill himself. He was in a hospital for around 8 months before he was released.He was only released because he had gotten to where he could stop self-harming and didn’t want to kill himself anymore. Looks like they were wrong.

It took around three hours for the doctor to actually come check on Alex and when he did my veins turned to ice. “Family only,” he said. “He’s actually Alex’s brother,” Isobel said. “No he isn’t. Mr. Barakat and I actually know each other very well don’t we Jack.” “Yes we do Dr. Reed.” “Well I know that you know very well that no visitors that aren’t family are not allowed until the patient has been awake and stable for 24 hours.” “And you know that I don’t give a shit about your bs rules that you make up.” “Just leave before I have to call security. Before I could say anything Isobel said, “Just go honey. I’ll call you the second he wakes up okay.” I nod curtly before walking out the hospital room. Looks like Dr. Reed was still as big of an asshole as I remembered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New update new update new update! I really like this chapter. You get to see what happened in Jack perspective. Oh and Jack and Alex's mom became friends and you get to know more of Alex's past! Yup I really like this chapter! I have a question for all of you guys. Have any of you met All Time Low and if you have what was it like? I'm just wondering because I have yet to meet them. I can't wait till I finally can. Well thank you for reading! I hope you like this chapter! I did lol.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

Alex POV 

After our little moment, my mom and I have to wait close to two and a half hours before a doctor came to see me and when he did I wished that he hadn’t. He walked in and gave me a condescending look like he thought he was better than me or something. “Hello again Mrs. Gaskarth. I see that you decided not to break the rules again and have Mr. Barkat in here.” Jack was here? I look at my mom and see that she is pissed. “Well after you had him kicked out last time we thought we’d give it a bit of time.” They kicked Jack out? Why would they do that? “Well you two knew the rules. Family only,” he said with a smirk on his face. Asshole.

 

My thoughts of Dr. Reed, or Dr. Asshole as I had started calling him in my head, didn’t change over the period of time he was talking to me about my “problems.” He was a condescending jerk the entire time belittling me because of my mental problems. We got into fight after fight over little things like whether this was a suicide attempt, he thought it was even though it really wasn’t, and whether I was anorexic or not. He also wanted to lock me up in the psych ward. Luckily my mom put her foot down their. Speaking of my mom she looked like she was ready to kill him the entire time which was around 15 minutes because I wasn’t an “important enough of a case to spend too much time on.” Have I mentioned that I hate this guy?

 

It was lunch time not too long after that and I got to enjoy the delicious hospital food, note the sarcasm. Plus I was forced to eat all of it even though it was just horrid and I wasn’t hungry at all. The food almost made me throw up too, but no one but my mom seemed to care. Well her and this nice nurse named Evelin. 

 

My mom told me about Jack after the lunch experience. Apparently the nice nurse Evelin was one of Jack’s nurses during his stay and they were pretty close. I ignored this tiny bit of jealousy that filled me when I heard this. I have no right to be jealous of them. They deserved each other. They were perfect for each other as a matter of fact. Especially Jack. He is such an amazingly sweet guy. He deserved better than a broken boy who didn’t deserve him at all. Dr. Asshole, who was surprisingly enough Jack’s first doctor when he arrived, came in and kicked him out, but Jack being Jack snuck back in. I had a big panic attack when I had woken up in the hospital which resulted in Dr. Asshole noticing that Jack was back in my room. He got security and they kicked him out of the hospital. Asshole.

 

After she told me that she went to get some coffee from Starbucks to help her stay awake. This fills me with guilt. It’s my fault that she’s tired because of lack of sleep. God I am such a fuck up. 

 

Not too long after she left there’s a knock at my door. “Come in,” I say, thinking it was a nurse or something only to see Jack standing there with a bouquet of daisies. I smile because those were my favorite flowers. “I got you these. Sorry if you don’t like them. I didn’t know what to get you and they’re my favorite flowers,” Jack rambled like he was known to. I giggle and write on the notebook my mom had gotten me, “their fine. they’re my favorite too.” The smile on his face light up the entire room I swear. 

 

“How are you feeling? You look a lot better than last time I saw you,” he said. I wince at the thought. I’d hate to think about how bad I looked than. I wrote down, “like shit. I have the WORST DOCTOR EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Jack sighed when he saw this. “I know. I hated him for the short period that I had him.” I nod in agreement. then I realized something. “how did you get in here,” I asked. He giggled, “Let’s just say I have friends in high places.” “Evelin,” I guessed. “Boo you’re no fun,” he said with a fake pout on his face. 

 

We made some small talk until my mom got in. She smiled when she saw Jack. “Jack how are you,” she asked him, pulling him into a big hug. Okay what’s going on here? “Pretty good Isobel pretty good,” he replied. Him and my mom are on first name basis? This is a little creepy. 

 

I zone out while they talk until I hear my name being said. I glance at them curious. I listen in on their conversation and realize they were talking about Dr. Asshole. Jack was telling my mom all the awful shit he had done to him and countless other patients while he was here. I could tell that my mom was listening to him. Yes maybe this’ll be enough to get me out of here! I mean I hate hospitals with a passion. Especially after the last time. I shake just thinking about it. 

 

It was about that time I hear Jack say something about an inpatient place he went to with an amazing doctor. Hell no! What’s he doing?! I quickly write down, “hell no”, but I’m just ignored. I guess I get no say in what happens to me. Typical. 

 

The conversation ends when Evelin comes in and tells Jack he’d better sneak out so he doesn’t get in trouble. I lay in bed and glare at him as he comes over to hug me. “It’ll be fine Alex,” and then walks out. “Alex stop pouting. We just want whats best for you, mom says after Jack walked out. Yeah right. If they wanted what’s best for me then they wouldn’t lock me up again. It won’t end well at all. 

 

Over the next few days my mom looks into the inpatient place. She loves it and thinks it’ll be good for me. Yeah right. It’ll be just like the rest. People who don’t give a shit acting like they care so they can get paid while shoving pills down our throats. When I brought this up to my mom she told me to stop being ridiculous. Like she knows. She’s never stayed full time in a psych ward. 

 

I may not want to go to this place, but it was cool to see the look on Dr. Asshole’s face when we told him our plan. He spoke down to my mom telling her she didn’t know what was good for me. That was the last straw. She went off on him and even called him a pretentious dick. Oh how I love that women, well when she wasn’t sending me away to hospitals that is.

I was released the very same day that my mom cussed out Dr. Asshole. Apparently he had had enough of us. That was good and bad. It meant that I got to leave the hospital, but I only got to stay at home one night before heading off to the inpatient place. Fuck me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you all think about the new video? Amazing right? This story is also coming close to the end. There are going to be around 21 chapters and an epilogue. I'm also thinking of a sequel with a lot more Jalex. What do you all think about that? Oh and I also started a twitter for my fanfic. I'll post when I'm updating, writing, maybe post some sneak peaks, you can ask me questions, and I'll take one shot requests. So yeah go follow jagkdoesitbeter.


	19. Chapter Eighteen

Alex POV

 

When I get home I go straight to my room. I want some alone time before I’m watched 24/7. This, of course, doesn’t last long. Not 15 minutes later my mom’s knocking on my door. She opens the door and says,“Alex, sweetie, I just wanted to let you know that Jack was coming over for dinner tonight. He wants to spend some time with you before you go.” I write, “I thought that visitors were allowed.” “We’ve been over this Alex. They are, but not for the first week. They like to have you get used to the environment first.” Yeah right. More like give them time to medicate me to death before anyone could notice.

 

Dinner was awkward. I was in a bad mood because I don’t want to be locked up so I wasn’t talking to anyone which left Jack and my mom to fill in the conversation gap. Not that I would have talked anyways. Jack kept going on and on about how amazing Red Oaks, the inpatient place and how great Dr. Ruocco, my new doctor, and how much I’ll love her. Yeah fucking right! Doctors are all the same. Shoving pills downs peoples throats so they’ll get payed. There is no way I could ever love a doctor in my life. The lovely, note the sarcasm, evening ended with me storming up to my room to get away from all the talk about the amazing institution that I’m going to be locked up in for who knows how long.

 

“Alex I know you don’t want to go to this place now, but you’ll be glad you did by the time you’re done,” Jack said from the side of my door a few minutes after I stormed away. I ignored him. “Look I’m going to go. I’ll see you in a week okay?” He sighed and walked away. I felt bad about treating him like that until I remembered it was his idea I go there. Then I’m mad at him yet again.

 

The next day I’m woken up at the crack of dawn to go to that fucking place. They want to give new patients time to “adjust to the surrounding” the first day, so they have them come in extremely early. It makes absolutely no sense but whatever. I just want to get this over with so I can leave sooner. 

 

The drive there was tense. I listened to music on my ipod before it was taken away from me and ignored my mom. I can’t believe she would take me to a place like this. I mean it worked out so well the last time. I could tell she wanted to talk to me by the way she kept looking over at me, but she didn’t say anything.

 

45 tense, awkward minutes later we arrived to Red Oaks. I look around. There are no oak trees here. I write that on my new white board and mom just rolls her eyes at me. We walk into the lobby and a lady is waiting there for us . She was short, super skinny, longish blonde hair, and the bluest eyes I had ever seen. She’s really pretty. 

 

“Hi I’m Dr. Ruocco but you can call me Lisa. You must be Alex Gaskarth,” she said enthusiastically. I nod yes. How does she have so much energy this early in the morning? Do she inject coffee into her blood or something? I be she does. I wonder if that be a good idea. I bet you could get so much more of an effect from the caffeine that way.

 

“...... okay Alex?” What? Someone was talking to me? I must have been zoning out like I’m know to do. “I knew you weren’t listening to me,” Lisa giggled. Is she even really a doctor? “I was explaining your daily routine to your mom. Wake up is at 7:45 everyday, you can shower then, supervised of course, after that is breakfast, because you’re still in school you do your school work until 10:45, then you’ll go to group for an hour, after that is lunch, then you get more time to do school work until around 3 when you have private sessions with me for around and hour and a half, then it’s dinner time, the you have free time until lights out at 9. You can spend free time in the rec room which I’ll show you during the tour. You get all that?” I nod yes even though I was still a bit sketchy about the details.

 

She turned to my mom. “We’re going to have to search his bags, but I just wanted to ask if you have looked through them first.” I grimaced. Of course they were going go search me. “Me and his friend Jack packed his bags, so I know that there isn’t anything bad in there,” my mom said. Lisa’s eyes lit up when she said Jack. “How has Jay been? It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other.” Jay? “He’s doing great! You’ll see him soon. He’s going to visit Alex.” “Yay! I can’t wait!” That’s it. They like each other. That explains a lot. I try to ignore the feeling of jealousy that hits me when I realize this.

 

Lisa puts my bags behind a counter to be checked before I’ll get them, and then starts up a tour of the place. She shows me where everything is, and then she takes me to my room. It’s a white room with two beds and no windows. “Sorry everything’s so plain. That’s how they wanted it for some reason. Well here you go. You get a day off from everything today. You’ll stay in here and have your meals brought to you and taken to the bathrooms. Just go ask a nurse when you have to go okay? Well I have to go do some therapy. I’ll see you at the end of the day to check on you. Good luck,” she said before leaving. 

 

It takes around 30 minutes for them to check out the two bags I brought here. I’m so happy to have them. My mom brought me some books, so I finally have something to do. I look through and see that she brought the whole TMI series including the new one that just came out. Yes! I’ve been wanting these bad! 

 

I spent the rest of the day reading. It was an okay day. Lisa stopped by before she left like she promised. She asked about my day, then left saying cheerfully that she’d see me tomorrow. Tomorrow is going to be hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the wait! I've been kinda busy the past few weeks. I had finals, graduation, family stuff, and a bit of writers block. I'm good now though. I should finish this soon. I'm going to try and post a lot more often and I don't have much to go. Hope you like this though.


	20. Chapter Nineteen

Alex POV  
The first week flew by. I did the same thing every single day. I took my pills, not too many surprisingly, and I went to all my scheduled activities, but I didn’t participate at all. I didn’t even do anything in therapy. I just sat there and ignored Lisa, who I discovered was a pretty cool person. I could see us being friends under other circumstances. I might even be interested in her if it wasn’t for, no Alex you aren’t going there dammit! Needless to say I’ve made no friends, but I have made it through the TMI books, can I just say City of Heavenly Fire should be called City of Way Too Many Feels, and am now on the Infernal Devices series. 

The second week went just like the first except I could have visitors. My mom and Jack came. We hung out in the rec room because that’s where all visitations were for whatever reason. Jack brought brought more daisies and a card signed by all his friends. It embarrassed me to think that they knew I was in here even after Jack said they understood because of all they went through with him. Him and Lisa were old friends. They hugged A LOT and talked way too much not that I mind. I mean why would I mind? My mom and Jack were both really upset that I wasn’t improving, but what were they expecting? I told them it would do no good sending me here. 

After about four weeks of being there Jack came in one day with daisies of course. He had taken to bringing me a bouquet of them every time he visited me. He was wasn’t smiling and that’s very unusual for him. “Jack what’s wrong?” I wrote. He set down the flowers and sat down in the chair next to mine. “Alex why aren’t you even trying to get better,” he asked me with a sad tone. “there’s no point I’m too far gone” I wrote. He shook his head, “No you aren’t. You’ve just given up on yourself, but I haven’t. Alex please try for me okay?” “why do you even care?” He looked at me confused, “Do you really not know?” “know what?” “I love you okay,” he whispered so low I barely heard him, “Now if you excuse me I have to go.” He stood and practically ran out of the room.

I sat in that chair shocked until my private therapy session thinking about what Jack said. I can’t believe that he loves me. I mean I’m such an awful person. How could he love me? I mean he is just so amazing. He also wants me to try to get better. I don’t really think that it’s possible, but I’ll try for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sad to say that this story is coming to an end. I really like it a lot. Good new is that there will be a jalex filled sequel.


	21. Chapter Twenty

Jack POV  
Alex has been at Red Oaks for about four weeks when I get the news from Lisa that he, well, wasn’t trying to get better at all. She didn’t go into any details so she wouldn’t be breaking the patient confidentially agreement, but she did say that he wasn’t improving and that I should try to talk to him about it. Apparently he really likes me. Not the way I like him though. 

I walked into his room with the usual bouquet of daisies. His face brightens up when he sees me. I on the other hand was frowning. Alex notices right away and writes, “Jack what’s wrong?”. I set down the flowers on the table next to his bed and sit down in the chair next to him. “Alex why aren’t you even trying to get better,” I asked him sadly. “there’s no point I’m too far gone” he writes and breaks my heart. How could he think that? What happened to him that made him think this way? I shake my head no veminently, “No you aren’t. You’ve just given up on yourself, but I haven’t. Alex please try for me okay?” “why do you even care?” I looked at him confused, “Do you really not know?” How could he not know? I thought I was obvious. Rian said I was anyways. “know what?” “I love you okay,” I whispered in a low voice regretting it instantly. “Now if you excuse me I have to go.” I stood up and practically ran out of the room.

I get to my car without having a complete breakdown, but as soon as I’m in I lose it all together. I sit in my seat crying so hard I could barely breathe. It takes a while for me to get myself together enough to drive home. When I do get home I am overjoyed to see that my parents are out. Great I can wallow in my own misery alone.

After 30 more minutes of crying and staring at the blood stain that Alex made on my carpet I decide it would be for the best if I called Rian to have someone to talk to. He answered on the first ring. “Jack are you okay? Is Alex okay? Do you need me to come over,” he asked one after another without giving me a chance to reply. “Please come over,” I say. Him hearing the desperation in my voice says, “I’ll be there in five minutes.”

Five minutes later I was sobbing into his shirt telling him about how Alex wasn’t even trying and how much he meant to me and how much it hurt to see him hurting and not even caring about himself. Then I told him about my stupid slip up. “Woah let me get this straight. You told him that you loved him?” I nod yes. “What did he do,” Rian asked curious. “I honestly have no idea. I ran out of the room right after I asked him.” “Did he have any idea you felt that way about him?” I shook my head no. “Look Jack I think you gave him a little too much too handle in a short period of time especially with all that’s going on. I think you may need to stay away at least for a few weeks so he can think about all of this okay?” I think about that. Rian is right. Alex needs time to process all of this without me. “You’re one hundred percent right Rian.” “I know I am. I can vist him if you like and explain it to him.” “Yes please.” “Okay now how about some Taco Bell and Home Alone to make everything better?” I smile. I really fucking love this dude! He’s the best friend that I have!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay everyone this is almost over! There are two more chapters left and an epilogue left. I also already have the next chapter written and I'll post it tomorrow, and the chapter after that is partially written. Go me lol! I have a question for all of you guys. How would you feel about a one shot prequel going into more details about Jack's story? If I wrote it I'd post it before the sequel. Comment and tell me what you think!


	22. Chapter Twenty-One

Alex POV

Over the last week and a half I’ve been trying to open up more in therapy, but it’s really fucking difficult! especially considering I haven’t seen Jack since he opened up and told me that he loved me. I really have no idea what to think about it. 

 

After group therapy where I still just sit around because I’m scared of all the people I’m shocked to walk into my room and see Rian sitting in a chair. What is he doing here? He stands up when he sees me and says, “Hey Alex you’re probably wondering why I’m here,” I nod my head yes, “Well Jack wanted me to come by and check on you.” As soon as he said that I get pissed. I grab my white board and write, “really why didn’t he come visit me himself?! was he just lying when he said he loves me?!” “He wasn't lying,” he said quickly, “Jack just thought he’d give you time to think about what he said.” “he still could have called or something and tell me what’s going on” I write still a bit upset at the boy. Rian sighed, “He’s scared about how you’re going to react. I mean he even made me wait this long to come explain things to you.” “I guess I understand but I’m still mad at him,” I write. “Don’t be too hard on him. He feels bad about this.” “if you say so”

Rian stays another 30 minutes or so talking about random things but mostly Jack. During this I realize something that terrifies me to no end. I love him. I love him so much I’m willing to even try harder to get better all for him. I’m going to do this for him.


	23. AN not a chapter sorry

Hi everyone! I'm in the process of writing the next and final chapter before the epilogue, and I need a little help. I need some name suggestions. For some reason I just can't get this name right. I need a very posh, sophisticated boy name. I need a first and a middle. Please comment some suggestions, and the winner or winners will have a part in the sequel! On another note this story is on the popular page! You don't know how much that means to me! Thank you every person who reads this! You are all amazing! <3


	24. AN

Submitting names is now over. I'm going to go through the names and pick one then contact the winner. The next chapter should be up tomorrow.


	25. Chapter Twenty-Two

AN:  
The brother I mention is my own original creation.He is in no way based on Alex’s real brother Tom. The brother’s name came from SilverxScreenxCliche on mibba. 

 

Alex POV 

Over the past three weeks I’ve been working really hard on getting better with Lisa. She really has been great. She pulled me out of group as soon as she realized how uncomfortable I am with being in large groups of people and replaced it with longer a one on one session, and she also limited my visitors to my mom and Rian until I was ready to see other people. I knew that had to have hurt Jack, but I didn’t want him to see me until I was better. I wanted him to be proud of me. 

Today was the day that I’ve been dreading. Today was the day that I’m going that I’m finally going to talk about IT. I’ve never even thought about this happening, so I don’t know what to expect. I’ve been working on writing it all out for the last two and a half weeks. I’m finally done, and I’m ready to finally just let it go. 

When I make it to the session Lisa I’m extremely nervous to say the least. Even though I’m ready to let this go I also really just want to keep it to myself. I feel like I have to even though I know he can’t hurt me I’m scared. Plus I don’t know how Lisa will react when she realizes how awful of a person I am. 

“So today’s the big day! Are you ready for this,” she asked in her usual cheerful voice. “I am but I’m not,” I write. “I understand. Most people feel like that when they’re about to let something like this go,” she said reassuringly, “So now just give me the notebook, and we’ll talk when I’m done okay?” I nod yes and hand her the notebook. She opened it and began to read about the thing I never thought I’d ever tell anyone about.

When I was younger I use to have a brother. His name was Nathaniel Sebastian, but he liked to be called Sebastian because he thought it sounded better. I thought he was the coolest thing ever (excluding Billie Joe Armstrong of course). He was popular, played football, got good grades, listened to the best music, and he actually spent time with me even though I was around six years younger than him. 

We actually spent a lot of time together. We were really close. That is until the middle of his senior year. He grew distant from everyone including me. He was secretive and always sneaking out and getting me to cover for him. 

I was home sick when I found out why. Dad had come and gotten me early because I had thrown up, so Sebastian didn’t know we were there. He snuck in with a guy I had never seen before and went to his room around 2:30. He somehow didn’t notice me on the couch reading. 

Dad was gone getting medicine at the time. He was mad when he got home and heard noise coming from his room because he was supposed to be in school. He opened the bedroom door and yelled “What the fuck are you doing? Get the fuck out of my house!!” Next thing I know I see Sebastian’s friend running out of the house trying to put on his clothes at the same time. 

I didn’t find out what exactly had happened until a few nights later when Sebastian told me. When dad walked in him and his boyfriend it turns out were having sex with Sebastian bottoming. Dad freaked out and kicked out the boyfriend, whose name I never found out. Dad then beat the shit out of him and said to say he was jumped coming home from school when mom asked. He also had to break up with his boyfriend because he “wasn’t going to have a fag for a son.” 

Sebastian just wasn’t the same after that. He started spending time by himself, and never talked to anyone. Looking back he was obviously depressed, but my 11 year old brain couldn’t understand what was going on. I wished I did now. Maybe if I did I could have stopped what happened. 

I was released early one day because the pipes at my school burst. When I got home I saw a sight that I will never forget to this day: my brother with a gun to his head. He looks up at me then said, “I’m sorry Alex,” before pulling the trigger. I did the first thing that came to my head, run. 

I ran to the park and hid crying until it was dark out. It was a mess when I got home. Mom was crying about Sebastian, there were police everywhere, and then there was dad. He was acting like he was upset, and kept looking at me suspiciously as I told a bs story about going and playing at the park. I could tell he didn’t believe me. He pulled me aside later and told me that he knew I was lying. He said that he thought that I knew what happened, and he would beat me 10 times better than he did to Sebastian that one day if ever said a word about that or the note he had left. and that I better not turn out to be a fag. I didn’t know about the note, but I acted like I did and agreed to not say a word. 

As time went by it was hard not to say anything about what had happened. It got to the point where it was easier to just not say anything at all, so that’s what I did. I just stopped talking. It freaked everyone out, dad even left because of it, and they acted like there was something wrong with me. I thought so too. Especially when I found anyone, guy or girl, attractive. I didn’t want to like the wrong person and get beaten for it. Then there’s the guilt. The goddamn guilt that won’t leave me alone. I could have prevented Sebastian’s death. I know I could have. It’s all my fault he’s dead, and I will have to live with that for the rest of my life. 

When she’s done reading Lisa looks up at me with tears in her eyes. “Alex I am so sorry.” She came over and wiped the tears I didn’t even know I was crying before pulling me into a hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to start off by apologizing for how late this chapter is. I actually have been very busy. I had an interview, got the job, had my 18 birthday, family stuff, I was kinda sick, started my job, and was at Warped Tour, my first one!, yesterday. Well anyways what did you all think about this? I really hope you liked it. Oh and if any of you went to Warped this year or any other what was your favorite performance? For me it was definitely Of Mice And Men. The killed it and the crowd was great!!


	26. Epilouge

Alex POV

 

After that we spend a week talking about it. Lisa wanted to make sure I knew it wasn’t my fault. She said I was just a child, and that I shouldn’t be burdened with all the guilt anymore. I wish I could believe this, but I feel like I’m always going to be at least a little bit guilty. That’s okay though. I’m healing. 

Lisa helped me tell my mom about a week and half after I first told her. It was awful because it nearly killed her. She couldn’t believe all of that had happened without her having any idea. We hugged for about 25 minutes after with her sobbing on my shoulder. I hate hurting her. She said she’s happy that I finally told her and that she wishes I had known before that I could have told her anything. I wish I did too. It would have saved all of us a hell of a lot of heart break. 

It was another week f before I was ready to face Jack. I had put it off because I was so terrified of what he’d think about me even though Lisa said he wouldn’t think of me any differently. The day of I had several anxiety attacks waiting for Jack to get there. Lisa calmed me down each time. I was a nervous wreck to say the least. 

When he finally did get there I started crying and threw myself at him. He caught me and pulled me close, “I missed you so much Lex. Let’s never be apart that long okay?” I nodded enthusiastically. We broke apart when we heard Lisa chuckling. “You two ready now,” she asked. We both nodded yes blushing like crazy. “Follow me then.”

It took around two hours to fully explain everything to Jack. There were tears shed, hugs, and threats to kick my dads ass if he ever saw him. Overall it went a thousand times better than I thought it would. 

At the end of the meeting Jack and I went to my room to listen to music and spend some alone time together before he had to go. He filled me in on everything that I had missed during the time I had been in here including a fucking amazing new Fall Out Boy song! When he was done talking we sat in a comfortable silence until I decided to try something I had been working on in secret for a while now. I look into Jack’s beautiful chocolate eyes and said some of my first words since I was 12 years old, “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's finally finished!! I'm sorry it took me so long! I honestly haven't been in the best frame of mind lately, and I now have a job that takes a lot out of me. The other week I was even working 7 days in a row. I'm going to do a hell of a lot better with the sequel which will be up tomorrow. I don't know about Jack's little prequel. That might take me a bit, but I will post it. Well I hope you like this!
> 
> the sequel is now up!!! http://archiveofourown.org/works/2292623/chapters/5041265


End file.
